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Highly
Sensitive
People -
The
Unrecognised
Minority
|
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If you aren't one, you can
be sure that you know one or work with one. Perhaps your
loved one or your child is an HSP. If you work in a
large organisation, you will know quite a few HSPs. Coaching
can help you thrive as an HSP, or help you to relate better
to the HSPs in your life.
Highly sensitive people make up
15% to 20% of the population. They are people born with
extra-sensitive nervous systems. Their existence as a
distinct type was unrecognised until the publication of
Elaine Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Person" (NY:
Broadway Books, 1996)
The founder of life coaching as
a distinct profession, Thomas Leonard, was himself an HSP.
Leonard, inspired by the work of Elaine Aron, developed the
Super Sensitive Person
Test.
HSPs can have extra-sensitive
reactions to various stimuli including light, noise, smells,
temperature, touch and pain. They may be more prone to
allergies and food sensitivities. Emotionally, they may be
more sensitive to the feelings of others around them, and
deeply affected by the emotional atmosphere of their
surroundings.
They are often unable to be "tough" in the
workplace without damaging themselves. They don't like to be
forced to multitask, and they can hate being watched closely
when they work. They prefer not to be "put on the spot" for
answers, and need time to think before replying in stressful
situations such as interviews. However they are good
communicators when they are in their element or enjoying
their work.
HSPs can "soak up"
other people's feelings, and if they are disliked by
colleagues (or family) they can be acutely sensitive to the
negative feelings aimed at them. This can lead to emotional
and physical distress. Travel and commuting can be extra
stressful. So can overcrowding and "neighbours from hell".
About 30% of HSPs are extravert
and 70% introvert. Introverts (even if not HSP) are usually
drained by too much contact with people and need time to be
alone and recover. So do HSPs. Open-plan offices can be a
constant source of stress for HSPs, due to constant contact
with other people and lack of control over temperature, air
conditioning, noise, lighting, interruptions and so on. They often
find it difficult to make small talk, a trait shared with
introverts.
Many highly sensitive people
enter caring professions such as teaching and nursing, only
to become bitterly disillusioned and cynical due to the
regimes in which they have to work and the lack of support
given to them. Others prefer to tolerate low-status
"drudgery" jobs for years because they are less demanding
and leave more time for personal life - except that nowadays
people are expected to work very hard at any job.
HSPs may be late developers,
mature students, or may have never gained proficiency in
certain activities many people enjoy
(such as driving, swimming, dancing). They have probably
avoided competitive sports and may never have engaged in
sports at all.
An HSP may find the world too
much, and may avoid reading newspapers and watching films
that are too noisy or violent. Some HSPs avoid having TV
altogether.
A highly sensitive person is
likely to be highly intuitive and may be psychic to varying
degrees. Some may have creative gifts. Many would regard
themselves as spiritual, or regard religion as an important
part of their lives. HSPs who are psychically aware may be
conscious of an extra sense of intrusion caused by the
stress and demands of all around them. Those who are
involved in spiritual growth may find that leaving
themselves spiritually "open" makes it even harder to cope
with the world of work.
The HSP is probably more likely
to develop post-traumatic stress disorder after a traumatic
event. HSPs, because they are perceived as different, can be
targets for bullying at work, and long-term bullying can
lead to traumatic stress.
Not fitting in, under-achieving,
and being disrespected can be typical HSP experiences, and
lead to feelings of shame, guilt, avoidance and
embarrassment. Anyone can have those feelings, but for the
HSP they can be magnified. Some HSPs are highly
successful, but that can be at the cost of sapping their own
energy and if the underlying problems are unaddressed, a
crisis can eventually develop.
The Sensory Defensive
A concept probably related to or
overlapping with the Highly Sensitive Person is the "sensory
defensive", which affects some 15% of people according to
Sharon Heller, Ph.D., author of "Too Loud Too Bright Too
Fast Too Tight" (Quill, 2002). Heller says,
"Sensory defensiveness is a
condition that encompasses a constellation of symptoms,
including tension, anxiety, avoidance, stress, anger, and
even violence, that result from aversive or defensive
reactions to what most people consider nonirritating
stimuli." (book cited above, page 3). The book gives a
self-test questionnaire that includes experiences such as
being bothered by sound and light, irritated by tight
fitting clothes, dislike of makeup, creams & lotions, being
bothered by people touching you or being too close, dislike
of crowds, and also such factors as car sickness, feeling
too hot/cold, balance or coordination problems, mood swings,
sleep problems, anxiety, difficulty in new situations, and
low self-esteem.
Of course, as Heller says, many
of us have some of these traits, but it is the number of
them and the high level of response that counts. For
some people, life can be very difficult because so many
"normal" activities or situations are intolerable.
Others manage but are constantly subjected to extra stress
because of their particular sensitivities - and, probably,
because they feel misunderstood and find it difficult to
share their experiences because people will think them weak,
silly or neurotic.
Is someone close to you highly
sensitive?
If, as a result of reading this
page, you think the answer may be yes, then perhaps you
would like to read the featured books and articles and share
them with the sensitive person in your life. You may
reach a new level of understanding and awareness that can
improve your relationship. You may also feel guilty
about being irritated by their behaviour and responses and
your past lack of understanding, based upon lack of
knowledge! Such lack of knowledge was not your
fault, because the overwhelming majority of people are
not aware of high sensitivity and that so many people
struggle with it under the hectic conditions of modern life.
Coaching the Highly Sensitive Person
Coaches can help by:
Listening to the HSP's concerns and experiences with
understanding
Working on self-acceptance
Encouraging a realistic evaluation of options and choices
including self-employment
Using approaches such as NLP and energy therapies to defuse
negative self-perceptions
Exploring the feasibility of "coming out" as an HSP
Helping the HSP to explore his/her spirituality
Defusing past negative messages from people who did not
understand you
Offering various options for stress management and overload
protection
Coaching in psychic protection, self-healing techniques and
meditation
Exploring less stressful or more satisfying career options
Building resourceful states that can be accessed when
required
Supporting HSPs who are being bullied in the workplace
Enhancing creativity
Helping you spot the self-sabotaging shadow side of the HSP,
and changing its
behaviour
Working on communication and assertiveness skills
Encouraging networking with other HSPs
Supporting the HSP in learning neglected life skills
Carefully fine-tuning any visualisation exercise or other
intervention to the HSP's
tolerances
Working with metaphor and symbol techniques which many HSPs
will enjoy
Planning better life-work balance
Helping HSPs avoid imposing their highly sensitive standards
upon others
In my coaching practice, NLP,
clean language, metaphor work, energy therapies (especially
Emotional Freedom Techniques), affirmation
work and spiritual techniques can be part of an integrated
programme for the needs of the individual HSP. Imaginative
HSPs are very likely to enjoy and benefit from intensive
metaphor sessions. Flower remedies can also help and there
are ones especially recommended for HSPs.
Further Information
For further resources and
information on the Highly Sensitive Person, see the
books & resources
and the links
pages. [links under construction]
You may also like to read the
following on-line articles:
http://healing.about.com/od/empathic/a/hsp.htm
What Does it Mean to be Hypersensitive?
http://healing.about.com/od/empathic/a/HSP_hallowes.htm
Being Highly Sensitive
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/3Feb08.htm For
Highly Sensitive Teenagers
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/cz_art3.htm How Can I
Describe Being Highly Sensitive to Other People?
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/cz_art5.htm Tips
for HSPs' Less Sensitive Friends and Lovers
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/3Aug05.htm With
Depth: The Shadow Side To High Sensitivity
http://behavioural-psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_introverts_communicate
How Introverts Communicate (applicable to some HSPs,
not all)
For one of the best collections of articles, see
www.hsperson.com
A highly sensitive woman's new perspective on mental
illness is an interesting blog at
http://outsidetheboxblog.wordpress.com/
Take the
Super Sensitive Person
Test:
http://www.coachville.com//tl/supersensitiveperson/selftest2.html
Taking this test before coaching is recommended. As well
as giving you a total score, it will help to highlight
specific areas that you might like to work on.
Elaine Aron, author of "The Highly Sensitive Person",
provides a self-test at her site at the link below:
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
Coaching, counselling or energy therapies for people
regarding themselves as highly sensitive or sensory
defensive is not medical diagnosis or medical treatment.
Morris Berg is not a medical doctor or a clinical
psychologist. As a coach, Morris works with people who are
coping with life but who would like to cope and succeed
better. Any forms of help offered are by Morris Berg are
complementary and self-developmental in nature and do not
replace medical, psychiatric or clinical psychological
treatment. People who have a medical problem should contact
their medical doctor. People who have a serious
psychological problem or mental illness should be under the
care/or treatment of a doctor, psychiatrist, clinical
psychologist or other suitable qualified professional.
email Morris at
hspcoach@gmail.com
This article is
copyright © Morris Berg 2009 and must not be reproduced
without permission in writing.
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